I AM THINKING IT'S A SIGN THAT THE FRECKLES IN OUR EYES ARE MIRROR IMAGES, AND WHEN WE KISS, THEY'RE PERFECTLY ALIGNED.

I need to find someone else.
Someone who won't hurt me, or use me, or lie to me. Someone who will just hold me, and not ever, ever, ever let me go. Someone with pretty eyes, eyes that tell me what's in his soul. Eyes that know the darkness in my soul. Someone who will sing me to sleep, or sing to me when I'm crying, and write me poetry and bring me flowers. And throw rocks at my window at midnight and recite Shakespeare (correctly!) to me. And who will lie in the grass and watch clouds go by with me, or point out the constellations to me. AND WILL KNOW WHEN I'M NOT OKAY. And will come over with ice cream when I'm not okay, and hold me until I am. And will sing me the Postal Service over the phone when I can't sleep. And won't mind arguing with me, even when they know I'm right, or will let me keep going when they know I'm wrong. Taller than me. And will dance on the sidewalk with me even when there's no music. Someone who can pick me up and spin me around, and likes to cuddle. And will write me a lullaby. And isn't fucking perfect, because neither am I, and everyone has their flaws. Someone who will tickle me even when I beg them not to. Someone who knows that one rose means more than a dozen ever could. Someone who will buy me Thai food and walk to the park and swing with me. Someone who won't care that I'm so stubborn, someone assertive. Someone cynical, like me. Someone with a crooked smile who knows my favourite colour, and will go to shows with me and lift me up on his shoulders so I can see, and will hold me from behind so I don't fall over in the pit. Someone who will stand next to me and scream every word of every song, and will wait in the tour bus line with me so I can get my stuff signed. Someone who will make me mixtapes and help me with my homework and is a little older than me, but not so much. Someone who won't make a big deal out of my birthday, and will watch Death Note in Japanese with me, and will come to see me every night I'm in a show, and will bring me daisies every night. Someone who will make me dinner, no matter how horrible of a cook he is. Someone who loves Eddie Izzard and Dane Cook and Flight of the Conchords. Someone who's just as fucking hopelessly romantic as I am, and will cry over RENT and watch The Notebook with me, and let me curl up against his chest and cry for Noah and Allie. Someone who can speak another language, and will call me 'querida.' Someone who will walk me to my next class at the risk of being late to his. Someone with a lip peircing, who knows that Liechtenstein is a country, and not a city. Someone who can spell Liechtenstein. Someone who knows that colour and neighbour have a 'u' in them, and how to correctly pronounce the word basil, and who will spell cheque with a -que, and knows that terrorise has an -ise and not an -ize. Someone who knows that football should be called football, and not soccer. Someone who likes kids, but doesn't want any. Someone slightly OCD. Someone that hates sports and loves coffee. Someone who will not go out in public with anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Someone who understands that last reference. Someone who knows that the answer to life, the universe, and everythingis 42. Someone who would have caught, and been bothered by, the missing space in the last sentence. Someone who actually knows what a Babelfish is. Someone who understands my love for Ronald Weasley. Someone who has read Twilight, someone who cried over New Moon, someone who hates Jacob and will try their hardest to be my Edward. Someone who hates the cold, but loves the snow. Someone who has read Jane Austen books, and gets them. Someone chivalrous, someone who will listen to me rant, and isn't afraid to tell me when I'm being stupid or overdramatic. Someone who isn't afraid to fight with me, because they know we'll get over ourselves and realize that we were being jerks. Someone who will never, ever leave without saying goodbye. Someone who will go to midnight showings of movies with me. Someone who hates horror movies and roller coasters, but will take me to Disneyland to get my autograph book signed by Tigger and get a picture with Eeyore. Someone who will buy me another sno-cone after the one I had falls on the ground. Someone that hates country and hip-hop and rap. Someone who knows that the books are always better. Someone who doesn't want to stay in Michigan for all their life. Someone who smells really, really good. Someone who will let me steal his sweatshirt, and be content with maybe never getting it back. His belts, too. Someone who doesn't mind that I steal his clothes. Someone who dresses up every once in a while, for no reason at all. Someone who is not ashamed to wear purple. Someone with no hand-eye coordination. Someone who is a perfect gentleman, someone polite. Someone who's smart, really smart, who is perfectly eloquent, and adores proper grammar as much as I do. Someone who doesn't use chatspeak, and loves words, and will always say "I love you" back.

AND TRUE, IT MAY SEEM LIKE A STRETCH, BUT IT'S THOUGHTS OF YOU THAT CATCH MY TROUBLED HEAD WHEN YOU'RE AWAY, WHEN I AM MISSING YOU TO DEATH.

THE SONG FOR A LONG GOODBYE,

What do you think gives you the right, no, the audacity, to ask me if I'm alright?
You very fucking well know I'm not alright.
Pretend you can't see me fighting myself every time you're around.
Pretend you don't feel my heart slow the fuck down every time you're around.
Pretend you don't know that I can't concentrate on ANYTHING anymore, because every road leads me to you, but when I get to the end, you're not standing there anymore.
Pretend you didn't realize that it took fucking everything in me not to cry when he's singing about how she doesn't love him anymore, and she doesn't even have the fucking guts to say it.
Pretend you care about me, pretend you love me, lie to me and say this will all be okay, everything will be okay, hold me tight, hold me close, shh, don't worry, I'll fix this we'll fix this you can't fucking FIX me anymore.
Pretend everything's going to be okay when everything is just going to hell, when I'm descending the ladder one step at a time, and you don't even try and stop me.
Hell, you're right behind me, pushing me down, egging me on, like it's some kind of game.
I want to write for you, write to you, write about you, but all I ever get is your name. Not even the one you like, but the one I love. I love you, you just can't tell.
Liberate me, love me, set me free, just don't break me or use me or hurt me and isn't it too late for that already?
Don't fucking say goodbye. Don't wait for me, don't walk with me, don't fucking hold me, don't tell me you love me because I know you're lying.
Everything, your love, your arms, your pretty eyes, your pretty smile, your silhouette, every fucking thing.
Don't fucking change after you tell me that everything will be okay.
It won't. You promised. You said you'd never ever lie to me, and here you are telling me you fucking love me, you love me too, you don't you wouldn't you couldn't never ever ever.
You never could, you never will, you never did don't fucking LIE to me.
Stop promising me that everything's going to be a - o - fucking - kay.
Don't tell me "maybe someday" when you know that you could never, ever love me.
Don't let me use your words with someone else.
Don't let me fucking fall back into this mess.
Hurricane, hurricane, these currents are still killing me.
Drag me down, I just want to hear your voice when I'm screaming for mercy.
Let me tell you I love you one last time, and maybe everything will be hunky-dory.
You think I over-dramatize, you think I cry for nothing, you don't realize how hard it is to keep me from destroying myself, because I would do it in one fucking heartbeat.
Don't you dare tell me we have nothing to talk about, we have plenty, you're just hesitant and I'm not willing.
Don't make me be the one to break this silence, I can't take that pressure, the pressure, it's getting closer now.
Would you be better off without me?
Maybe I'd be better off without you. Don't think I could take that, because no matter how much you hurt me, I'll keep coming back.
Boomerang, for the win!
This mix could burn a (w)hole in anyone.
It's like I wrote every fucking note with my own fingers.
And you'll never know, because you probably don't give a shit.
Don't even try to understand what you're doing to me, because chances are, you wouldn't care anyway.
Chances are, you'd laugh.
Chances are, you'd sink me.
Chances are, you'd take her hand and run.
So yeah. How am I? I'm fucking fine.

Well if you'd really listen to me, because I'm telling you the truth. I mean this.
I'm okay.
(Trust me.)

I'M COMING BACK TO MY GIRL BY JULY.